Yesterday I was driving home from work and I realized I had slipped into this zombie mode; meaning that I pretty much just zoned out the entire six minute trip from work to the house only semi-alert to my surroundings but overall just kind of operating on auto-pilot. And then I realized I’d pretty much been operating like that for the past three weeks or so.
My grandpa died around 3am on Monday, June 6 2011.
And I have been desperately trying to cope with this. I am still unsure of how to function in a world and a life without him because for 30 years of ups and downs and divorces with my parents and moving to various places around the country, Grandpa and Grandma were one of the only constants I had in my life. And now it’s just Grandma.
And my heart hurts because I miss him terribly. And my heart hurts for my Grandma because I cannot fathom how I could cope living without someone after living with them for fifty-two years.
I am better now than I was that morning. I am better now than I was this past weekend. But I will never be the same.
I was going to make a joke about how we’re all still here (you know, with The Rapture That Didn’t Happen) but I guess we’re all kind of over it now and to be truthfully honest, I’m not in much of a joking mood.
I’ve had a rough couple of days and I am physically and emotionally exhausted right now. Work has been busy (which I guess is in direct contrast to what I had been complaining about last time — I always figured it would ebb and flow and I’d have slow times and crazy times). We’re in the middle of renovating our department’s physical space, which is being done in phases and of course, as the local IT nerd, I get the pleasure and joy of moving all of the computer equipment each time we enter a new phase. Yesterday and today were the biggest ones yet as I was emptying a storage closet, moving and reconnecting all of the computers in our reception area and moving NINE large systems for our treatment planning department. That’s a lot of lugging and dust slinging and crawling under tables — I joked to my boss that he owed me a manicure because I’m pretty sure I ripped every nail off it’s nail bed.Read More»
That’s my dog, brilliant thing that he is!
(There’s a video embedded if it doesn’t show in the feed. Just click over to view it)
I think I’ll take a moment to celebrate my age. The ending of an era and the turning of a page. - My Next Thirty Years, Tim McGraw.
So, it happened. I turned thirty last weekend. And the world did not implode. My body did not shrivel into a ball of wrinkles and skin. And to be perfectly frank, I had an absolute blast!!!!
Everybody talks about dreading birthdays as you get older and I remember saying, when I was 25 or so, that I was scared of thirty. That I was going to embrace getting older. I mean, what a silly thing to be scared of. Then twenty-nine hit. And Steve turned thirty. And our bodies started having these weird aches. The mornings after parties were rougher and rougher. And well, it got a bit terrifying.
But truth be told, birthdays are fabulous because of the people who surround you. I am so very blessed to have such wonderful people who were willing to come out and celebrate and I really and truly believe that they are the reason I didn’t dread my birthday.Read More»