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Life

Grandpa
Life

He Was My Grandpa

Yesterday I was driving home from work and I realized I had slipped into this zombie mode; meaning that I pretty much just zoned out the entire six minute trip from work to the house only semi-alert to my surroundings but overall just kind of operating on auto-pilot.  And then I realized I’d pretty much been operating like that for the past three weeks or so.

My grandpa died around 3am on Monday, June 6 2011.

And I have been desperately trying to cope with this.  I am still unsure of how to function in a world and a life without him because for 30 years of ups and downs and divorces with my parents and moving to various places around the country, Grandpa and Grandma were one of the only constants I had in my life.  And now it’s just Grandma.

And my heart hurts because I miss him terribly.  And my heart hurts for my Grandma because I cannot fathom how I could cope living without someone after living with them for fifty-two years.

I am better now than I was that morning.  I am better now than I was this past weekend.  But I will never be the same.

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June 16, 2011
four23org-anne-taintor-laughing
Life

Drained

I was going to make a joke about how we’re all still here (you know, with The Rapture That Didn’t Happen) but I guess we’re all kind of over it now and to be truthfully honest, I’m not in much of a joking mood.

I’ve had a rough couple of days and I am physically and emotionally exhausted right now.  Work has been busy (which I guess is in direct contrast to what I had been complaining about last time — I always figured it would ebb and flow and I’d have slow times and crazy times).  We’re in the middle of renovating our department’s physical space, which is being done in phases and of course, as the local IT nerd, I get the pleasure and joy of moving all of the computer equipment each time we enter a new phase.  Yesterday and today were the biggest ones yet as I was emptying a storage closet, moving and reconnecting all of the computers in our reception area and moving NINE large systems for our treatment planning department.  That’s a lot of lugging and dust slinging and crawling under tables — I joked to my boss that he owed me a manicure because I’m pretty sure I ripped every nail off it’s nail bed.

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June 1, 2011
four23org-sweet-nothings
Life

Sweet Nothings

I ask stupid questions sometimes – ok. A LOT. Mostly because I don’t think before I speak.

I do it so often i don’t even remember what I asked. Just this.

KRISTY: Nevermind, it was stupid.
STEVE: (laughs & hugs me) That’s why I love you! The first thing that comes to your brain is something stupid.

(Note: this is all in good fun and he is absolutely teasing when he says. Good natured teasing is a big part of how we relate to each other. Don’t go thinking it’s time to call domestic abuse or anything. He gets it as good as he gives it!)

May 22, 2011
four23org-busy-busy
Life

The Bright Side

This was a very long week.  My case of the Mondays never seemed to go away despite my best efforts otherwise.  I tried to counteract it by giving myself little pep talks before I went to bed but every morning I woke up with a grey cloud already over my head and it took every effort for me to get out of bed and drag myself into work.

It’s mostly work itself.  Things have been slow the past few weeks and while I’ve been able to complete smaller easy tasks throughout the day, I’m really kind of lacking any projects to throw myself into.  Which leads to me feel very unchallenged.  And there are days where I will sit with no direction, nothing to do and I’ve literally got to find things to do.  I mean, I’m all caught up on my blogs in Google Reader and I’m even able to read them as they’re all posted through the day.  I don’t have email to return.  And everything else of fun and interest (Pinterest, YouTube, Facebook, Flickr) are all blocked by work and even though I can access them from my phone, it is certainly more obvious to be sitting in my office on my phone all day than it is to be staring at my computer.

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May 20, 2011
four23org-sweet-nothings
Life

Sweet Nothings

Sweet things (even semi-sweet) that my boyfriend says to me.

Watching Syfy and ad comes on for a Real Word type show with witches, vampires and werewolves. Steve asks if I saw that and explains the premise.

KRISTY: Huh? Is it real life?
STEVE: …
KRISTY: What?!
STEVE: Yes, Kristy, real life werewolves.
KRISTY: …
STEVE: Yes, you had a moment. Aw baby, that’s why I love you. I live for those moments because you’re like the smartest person I know and every once in awhile you prove that I might be smarter than you.

May 18, 2011